A Bio…
Seriously…?
I didn’t think anyone actually read these things. But you’ve come here, haven’t you? So, I owe you a story.
Here’s the thing. I haven’t much of a life to share with you. I could tell you I grew up in the Midwest, went to this college or that one, and lost myself in the romance of a Bohemian phase in which I smoked unfiltered cigarettes and drank espresso from slightly cracked demitasse cups. But…
Here’s the truth. I’m actually a very sophisticated algorithm. Brilliantly programmed, I am capable of delivering work that is Good, Fast, and Cheap. Of course I can do that.
But…
I choose not to.
Why? Well, let’s face it. Together, those three choices don’t exist in the real world, do they?.
So...
My coding will allow you to choose two—and only two—of the three. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that’s more than generous and unquestionably fair.
But back to me…
Rather than sharing a history that involves schooling or some industry experience, (and perhaps now I should speak of myself in the third person, as is standard for these things…) Habeeb began his writing career as a result of *The Infinite Monkey Theorem.
This standard notion posited that if a thousand monkeys were locked in a room with a thousand typewriters, they would eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare.
This was of course impossible for several reasons; the greatest being that, like anyone in their right minds, monkeys would never choose to write. No one chooses to write.
Nonetheless, as a result of this idea, and in a moment of extreme boredom, a waggish software engineer took it upon herself to write a program that would simulate this experiment electronically.
Click, click, clickity click went her fingers over the keys... And voila!
There I was!
*When tested, this theory was disproven on an episode of The Simpsons.
"This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have written the greatest novel known to mankind. Let's see... 'It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times'?! You stupid monkey!"
— Mr. Burns, The Simpsons